bio-pic

Biography

Curiosity - Responsability - Analytical

The problem with reading a biography is that they are always about someone else. Reading one you want to find out who that person is. But instead you end up with a list of things they’ve done. Halfway through I usually give up. The story evolves around someone else but there isn’t a single promise of me getting to know that person any better personally. I think that is just a little sad. With this Bio I hope to reveal myself a little bit and build a relationship with you too. So here it goes.

I was born dead with the umbilical cord around my neck in a knot. I succeeded in things by failing in what was important to me. And the core of my ironic biography is that it is more about you than it is about me! Really; My life is filled with irony. And to me irony is pretty funny! I consider my life to be filled with humor - even in the darkest periods. Especially in the doomdays.

I’ve always studied human nature, body language, social power and struggles, dynamics between friends and enemies. You name it. Being overly concerned with my surroundings I lacked time, willpower and know-how to cultivate my own dream and my own personal life. Forgetting about yourself is frustrating. You end up in lack. You end up thinking in hierarchies that aren’t useful to build sustainable relationships. But... it can also be a valuable tactic in certain times.

I dare say that ’forgetting about myself’ was very vital to my survival, socially speaking; in my early years on this planet. It helped me get through being bullied, it helped me get through the legacy of war memories of my family, it helped me get through being forgotten by my father - Who is the one responsible for my foreign looks and the reason why people ask me ’where I am from?’ even though I was born here in Amsterdam. And the fact that I was constantly reminded of him by my own physical appearance didn’t help me forget about him. Instead I chose to forget about myself. It was the easiest way to survive. It was the easiest way to live with shame.

And so I focused on others. I looked at you. Looked how you did it. How you talked and how you managed to get people to like you. Where did you mess up? What could I improve? How could I make you need me? Of what were you dependant?

Years passed. You changed and so did I. We changed a lot. But the three fundamental rules I lived by remained the same:

So I befriended you. And you liked me. I met the creative in you and connected to my childhood dream I never dared to dream out loud. I started living a second life. As school was never enough for me. School was necessity. A necessity I happened to be pretty good at. But I never treated it with much love and care. I had discipline and that was all I needed. Discipline comes natural when you’ve lived in social danger for a long time. So I knew how to maximize input output in my studies. But I did not feel proud of any of my grades. Even if I did get an ’A’.

I was looking for something to lift me up. I found dancing. I found acting. I found singing. I found Improvisation theatre. I found movies. I found out I was assisting in all of these different areas. Even performing and achieving in some. But there was still a hunger! And the hunger grew and grew!

I worked hard. But only to safe up for something bigger. I worked in the UK, the US, Mexico and Denmark. Short times at a time. But I put my foot down. I left my print and I hoped you could see how I was gaining life experiences. I traveled. We traveled together. And then we went in different directions again. I continued to travel alone. I saw things. I yearned: A longing to be great. A fear to stay small.

And then it happened. Right here in my own country. In my own hometown. In my own house in the centre of Amsterdam. Two of you did it. You abused me physically and mentally and I witnessed it all. The humiliation was too hard to cover up. The fear was too big to silence. The need for a change was overwhelming my body and my mind. Shame once again was the dominating force in my life.

Once more I hid in the dark. I decided it would be the last time. I decided I needed to stop looking outside of myself. It really was time to safe my self and stop hoping people would like me by trying to be who I thought they wanted me to be. And so I did it. I took control of my life and made a dedication to be who I want to be. I made a dedication to be happy and not feel guilty about it. I made a dedication to follow my desires. It led me to music and playing around with words and structures. I looked around me and I saw you are made of music too! I saw how you’ve always tried to help me. But you weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready. But nothing is wasted. The beauty of art is that every feeling can be expressed in a creation that pleases. I am learning now how to please you. Really please you. By learning how I can please myself. We can be equals if we want to.

Hi nice to meet you. My name is Chihiro. And I make music to make sense of daily life and other intimidating phenomena. With my first CD I’m expressing my hope, my faith and my love in an arena of darkness and doubt. When it was hard to trust someone, I put my warmth and affection in the comfort of music:

’Falling in Sound’ is my way of projecting my love on other people’s lives. I hope you feel the rays on your face.

In the future I hope to see more of you. Maybe we can jam together sometime. I would love to hear your voice. Put it to use to discuss heavy issues. Let’s solve some problems! Let’s not ’mind the gap’ But bridge it! Let’s fall in sound together!

Click. And we’re in sync.

All Music and Lyrics © Chihiro